Meanderings

Thoughts and thoughts

I’m making coffee at 7 pm because I had to get up this morning at 4:30 am to drive my sister to the bus stop so she could get on the bus to get to the airport. I’m so tired, y’all, haha. Anyway, I thought I’d update you guys, just to say hello, and also to talk about how things are going for me.

I got promoted at work! Yay! I work at an indie bookstore in the Northeast, and it’s so so much fun. What’s crazy is I haven’t been working at my current job for very long. Only like three months! But I have been working at bookstores for four years, so I guess that’s something. I love indie bookstores, and working at indies is so much for fun than a chain bookstore. There’s just so much more freedom, and I’m really proud to work for the bookstore I currently do.

I think right now I’m just feeling really weird. I have eight (!!!) full manuscripts out right now, two to editors, and six to agents. Which is kind of driving me up the wall, not gonna lie. It’s so weird. I think because I’m so eager to get an agent, and this has been what I’ve wanted for so long, and now that I’m close…I don’t have any new ideas. It’s like I’ve stagnated. I’m in this waiting period to see if anyone is going to offer on my book, and I can’t seem to write anything new.

I’ve got three ideas, is the thing. Maybe four. None of them are calling to me, though. Have you ever been creatively stuck? That’s where I am right now. If you’ve been where I am, you’re not alone. It’s painful, isn’t it? To want to write, or to want to want to write, but you don’t actually want to. Sounds kinda funny, doesn’t it? But creative…stuckness, is a real thing, and I’ve known people who’ve suffered from it. I’m trying to tell myself it’s okay to be stuck. It’s okay to not be working on anything new while I wait.

And it’s not like I’m forgetting to live. I’m drawing, and reading a ton, and working at my job. I’m even watercolor painting again! That’s been amazing. I’ve also been watching this movie on Netflix, K-Pop Demon Hunters. HAVE YOU SEEN IT. It’s god’s gift to mankind. I’m so serious, it’s so good!!

My coffee is ready in the pot, but I do want to say one more thing. Give yourself grace. If there’s something you want in your life, and you’ve done all you can to get it, but you’re just waiting now, don’t keep working yourself into the ground while you wait. You’re inviting burnout at that point. It’s okay to let yourself dip into the other areas of your life.

Like how I said, I’m painting again. Painting was my pandemic hobby, and I got really good at it! Now I’m getting back into it, and it’s really fun. I’m not writing at the moment, and that’s okay.

If you’re any kind of artist, and you’re in my position of creative stuckness, don’t feel like you have to keep trying and banging your head against a proverbial wall until something new falls out. That’s only hurting you. Step back, sit down, have some tea, read something moving.

Distracting yourself from your own head can be so valuable, and I do mean that. Try not to fall down the mental rabbit hole of despair when it comes to preparing your next creative project. You’re allowed to live your life. And believe it or not, your art is not your whole life.

I’m gonna say that again. Your art is not your whole life.

I know so many artists, of all kinds, who let their art consume them. They do nothing but work. Which is fine, sometimes! But if all you do is make art, you’re missing out on the other areas of your life. You’ve probably heard about the creative well. If you only make art, you’re only taking water out of the well. How are you going to put water in it? You can’t do that by making art. You have to experience other’s art, also. And live your life! Have lunch with a family member. Finally have coffee with your friend. Walk your dog. Whatever you do, experience the world. Notice how I didn’t say, ‘consume content’. We’re not capitalists here! We’re artists, and that means we experience, we don’t consume. Consuming content implies a fleeting nature, an ephemerality. But in our fast-paced world, it’s important to experience things, not just consume them. You’re not an endless void, consuming book after book and not learning anything from any of them. That’s not how humans work.

You’re a person. You’re allowed to be stuck, and you’re allowed to take breaks. While it’s important to identify as an artist, don’t forget all the other things you are. Like for me, I’m an artist/writer, but I’m also a brother, a son, a reader, a dreamer, formerly a student, a bookseller, and so many other things.

Remembering that is only going to make your art better when you’re ready to come back to it.

With love,

Jason